A Fierce Desire for Truth.
What is Truth? What can we know for certain? How much of what we think we know are just learnt assumptions, beliefs and opinions? Can you KNOW for certain that what you believe to be true is actually true?
If we really ponder this question it can begin to unwind all the illusions that we cling to, it can begin to unravel the very tapestry of the reality that we have built around ourselves, it can begin to destroy the very self we believe we are.
We can learn all there is to learn about what a strawberry tastes like, we can study a strawberry, read books about a strawberry, we can write a PhD on strawberries. But until we actually bite into a strawberry we do not know the Truth about a strawberry. To KNOW is to experience directly, to KNOW ABOUT is to cover up the reality of the strawberry with words, ideas, opinions and beliefs.
This desire for Truth, the desire to return back to reality cannot be faked. We must on a certain level be willing to die for it. To be willing to walk right to the edge of the cliff and jump. If we are sincere we will settle for nothing less.
True change requires a death. It requires us to leap off the edge of the known and plunge into the depth of the unknown. We make shake and tremble, we may feel the vulnerability of our wounded hearts, we may unconsciously resist and attempt to cling to what is familiar, and as the old crumbles in our fingers we may feel the terror as if we are going to die. Sometimes it is the pain of holding on that causes us to let go, it becomes more painful to hold on to our illusions and our grip exhausts itself, we soften, and we let go and the Truth reveals itself for a time, but when we regain our energy, out of habit we grasp at more illusions, we recreate the old.
This desire for the Truth can burn up all that we once believed, it can give us the courage to turn and face all the things we have been running from. It is suffering that ripens this desire, the apple falls from the tree when the apple is ripe enough and not a moment before.
If this desire is sincerely inside of you then this is your Guru, this is your spark and if you continue to fan the flames of this spark to will burn up all that is false inside of you. Do not place authority outside of yourself, do not fall for the idea that someone outside of ourself can save you, you are it. Trust this flame that wants to burn your world into smithereens.
This is the true Grace.